When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
