My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
don't judge my taste in strippers
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
