I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
