apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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