I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
