those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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