he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize