I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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