Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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