He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
