why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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