someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
