ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just threw up on my dentist
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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