no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
