Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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