Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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