My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
