Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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