i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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