I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
