I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize