the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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