i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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