he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize