i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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