Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize