wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
