How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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