ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
