so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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