I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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