dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
