so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
