shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
