We're facebook friends in real life
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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