he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
