Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
