mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
