I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
