i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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