I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
