All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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