Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
