Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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