Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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