I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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