it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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