What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
