i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
