I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
there is another microwave in the elevator.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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