Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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