By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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