After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
