There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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