How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were destined to go to rehab together
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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