We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
