sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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