hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
