i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
