im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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