feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
birth control should be required to get into college
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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