Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
