this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
