Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
