you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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